This week, I posted this sentiment on my Facebook page: "I refuse to put this much effort into something that so few people truly appreciate, especially when I'm worth so much more." I am ready for a change. Teaching has never been what I thought it would be, to be sure. However, I was passionate and excited enough to overlook the constant disappointments, lack of respect, and overwhelming heap of responsibilities because I cared about helping my students. I put my job and everything that comes with it first, and put myself and my family last because I am often too tired or distracted to enjoy being at home. Following my parents' example, I try not to bring work home with me so I can enjoy my time with those who mean the most to me in this world. So, I go in to work an hour early every morning, and I stay 1-3 hours after work every day (without a minute of overtime pay, but I'll get to that later). After that, any work that is left undone (papers that needed grading, lesson plans that needed organizing, copies that had to be made, emails that went unanswered) constantly weighs on my mind and prevents me from fully enjoying my time away from school. Why should it be that way? I've slowly become more efficient in accomplishing these necessary elements of my job, but still constantly have things that are left undone or unfinished.
I am still unwilling to sacrifice my personal time for work, though. Why should I? To be a good teacher, we are told that we should follow the examples of the likes of Ron Clark (The Ron Clark Story) and Erin Gruwell (The Freedom Writers) and put aside our own needs and interests to complete focus on our students. While these individuals are amazing teachers, their personal lives are in ruins. To be a good teacher, we are told to look at the overtime we put in as our "professional responsibility" and to not complain that we don't get paid for all of the extra hours we put in. I'll admit, I have it easier than others. As an ESOL teacher, I teach no more than 100 students per day while there are teachers who teach closer to 150 students a day. With growing class sizes, more non-teaching responsibilities, less pay than expected, a decrease in maturity and sense of responsibility in the students, diminishing (if at all existent) parent involvement, and more pressure to deliver top results under these conditions, it's no wonder that I am feeling burned out!!!!
I was recently telling a friend about how disappointed I was this year to not feel excited about coming to work. I am usually extremely excited on the first day back to school, and I pretty much stay excited because I enjoy most of the lessons I get to teach. This year truly feels like work, though. I wasn't excited about the first day of school; instead I felt weighted down by the anticipation of everything for which I would be held responsible. I'm not excited about teaching my lessons; instead, I feel overwhelmed and scatterbrained by trying to prepare for 4 different classes of the 5 classes I teach in a day. I'm not excited about seeing any particular class or students; instead, I feel like they all need to learn better manners, responsibility, and self-control. (Believe me those "gem students" are become a severe minority in the classroom.)
Nevertheless, I put all of my effort into the lessons I teach, I am energetic and supportive during classtime, I treat each student as an important member of the class, and I try accomplish what is expected of me by my school and my county each and every day. It's the only way I know how to be. That is exactly why, however, I know it is time for a change.... I'm putting all of myself into something out of which I receive very little payoff, return, or fulfillment.
That being said, I'm starting to consider my options. I am an intelligent, quick-thinking, well-spoken, independent, motivated, organized, confident woman (Yeah, I said it!). I put all of my heart and effort into helping others, teaching others, and taking care of others. However, as Suze Orman has taught me, I refuse to give myself away. I'm not going to allow myself to do a job in which I constantly feel like a failure when I know I'm not. I'm not going to continue to work for pay that is less than what I deserve.
Teachers make up the majority of the work force in this country, and there are plenty of them who simply come to school and do the bare minimum to get paid. I can't be like that. It goes against everything that I believe about work ethic, job performance, and personal responsibility. So, to prevent myself from being taken advantage of and from become something that I hate, it's time for me to consider moving on. For now, I am one of those teachers who comes to school to do as much as she can to facilitate learning. I earn my meagre pay; and I don't expect people to praise me for doing my job, to get a special award for helping my students learn, or to become famous for my creative ideas and teaching methods. I just want to work under conditons that are fair and to be paid what I am worth. And yeah, I want to enjoy my job!
As they say in education, you never leave because of the kids. It's always the other stuff.... That other stuff is starting to affect me so much that I don't even want to think about writing about my classes this week. So, for now, I'm just another teacher complaining about her job. Those of you who truly know me must know, then, how deep my frustration must be.
